{"id":862,"date":"2009-12-30T00:13:46","date_gmt":"2009-12-30T08:13:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/?p=862"},"modified":"2009-12-30T08:08:40","modified_gmt":"2009-12-30T16:08:40","slug":"turn-right-at-groom-lake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/2009\/12\/30\/turn-right-at-groom-lake\/","title":{"rendered":"“Turn Right at Groom Lake”"},"content":{"rendered":"

There were two\u00c2\u00a0incidents this weekend where people blindly followed their GPS into the middle of nowhere and were shocked when they got stuck in the snow, miles from a cell phone signal.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s mind boggling that nothing would have tipped them off that it was a bad idea well before they got stuck.\u00c2\u00a0 I would have known not to go that way as soon as it included “Forest Service” road anywhere in the directions.\u00c2\u00a0 But beyond that, what about the fact that the road was probably completely unsigned, not to mention completely deserted?\u00c2\u00a0 I was reluctant to take Oregon Highway 6 between Tillamook and Portland in March because of snow, yet these people think Forest Road 1234 is a good idea in December?\u00c2\u00a0 Your four wheel drive is not going to protect you from your stupidity.<\/p>\n

At any rate, it inspired me to see what kind of stupid directions I could have Google Maps give me.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m a tester.\u00c2\u00a0 Time to break stuff.<\/p>\n

The obvious first choice is someplace where there aren’t roads, like Seattle to Tokyo<\/a>.\u00c2\u00a0 Apparently, the best route there is to drive to Gasworks Park, kayak to the north shore of Oahu, drive to Honolulu, then kayak the rest of the way to Japan.\u00c2\u00a0 While I did appreciate that it specifically told me to kayak to Japan, and that it would take about 34 days to do so, I was a bit dismayed by the fact that it didn’t recommend a grand-circle route through the Aleutians, which should be faster and shorter, not to mention that you can drive to Homer Alaska, take the ferry to at least Kodiak, probably even further, then only have to kayak to somewhere in Siberia, where there’s probably a road of some sort down the Kamchatka Peninsula, then it’s another quick kayak trip across the Sea of Okhotsk to Japan.\u00c2\u00a0 I guess they’re trying to keep me out of the dangerously stormy and cold North Pacific.<\/p>\n

At any rate, I would be dead if I followed these directions because, well, you know, kayaking across the entire Pacific just ain’t gonna work out so well.<\/p>\n

So then, I tried a more reasonable tourist query:\u00c2\u00a0 How do I get to Windy Ridge from the Johnston Ridge Observatory at Mt. St. Helens?\u00c2\u00a0 The correct answer is to go down through Cougar or up through Morton.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s not what it told me.\u00c2\u00a0 Now, I was hoping to be directed to take a road across the Blast Zone which hasn’t existed since 1980, but unfortunately, that was not the recommendation.\u00c2\u00a0 Instead, I was given these directions<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
3.<\/td>\nSlight left<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
361\u00c2\u00a0ft<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
4.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.6\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
5.<\/td>\nTurn right<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
2.7\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
6.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.6\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
7.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
1.4\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
8.<\/td>\nTurn right<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
2.3\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
9.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.3\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
10.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
1.1\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
11.<\/td>\nSlight right<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.4\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
12.<\/td>\nTurn right<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.7\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
13.<\/td>\nSlight left<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
2.2\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
14.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
1.4\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
15.<\/td>\nTurn right<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.6\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Well, of course!\u00c2\u00a0 Without these clear directions, I would have turned left at step 11, instead of a slight right, and who knows where I would have ended up.\u00c2\u00a0 My DeLorme Gazetteer shows that somewhere out in that forest is where Bigfoot lives.<\/p>\n

\"OMGBigfoot\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Now, the best set of directions I got were the ones between Mercury and Rachel, NV.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 They’re tiny little specks of “civilization” on the Great Basin.\u00c2\u00a0 Mercury is a former “company” town ((Where the company was the United States Atomic Energy Commission)) and Rachel is a bar and a handful of mobile homes in the middle of nowhere.\u00c2\u00a0 There’s not much reason to go to either one (In fact, you can’t go to Mercury), and even less of a reason to drive between them, but I just wanted to see where I’d be sent.\u00c2\u00a0 The results are awesome<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\"TurnRightAtGroomLake\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Here’s the directions Google gave me:<\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n<\/tbody>\n
1.<\/td>\nHead north<\/strong> toward Mercury Hwy<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.3\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
2.<\/td>\nTurn right<\/strong> at Mercury Hwy<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
2.6\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
3.<\/td>\nContinue onto Short Pole Line Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
2.4\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
4.<\/td>\nSlight left<\/strong> toward Mercury Hwy<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
2.2\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
5.<\/td>\nContinue straight onto Mercury Hwy<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
22.3\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
6.<\/td>\nContinue onto Mesa Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
5.2\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
7.<\/td>\nTurn right<\/strong> at Groom Lake Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
1.2\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
8.<\/td>\nSlight right<\/strong> toward Groom Lake Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.9\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
9.<\/td>\nContinue straight onto Groom Lake Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
2.5\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
10.<\/td>\nSlight right<\/strong> to stay on Groom Lake Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
25.6\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
11.<\/td>\nContinue onto Groom Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
13.0\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
12.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong> at Mail Box Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
5.1\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
13.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong> at Extraterrestrial Hwy\/NV-375 N<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
19.5\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
14.<\/td>\nTurn left<\/strong> at Canyon Rd<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
197\u00c2\u00a0ft<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
15.<\/td>\nTake the 1st right<\/strong> onto Front St<\/strong><\/td>\n\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n\n
0.2\u00c2\u00a0mi<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/td>\n

\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n
\n
Now, I’ll forgive you if you’re not terribly familar with Nevada geography and aren’t clear why the shortest, most direct route between Mercury and Rachel is not exactly the best way to go.\u00c2\u00a0 For starters, you will be shot.\u00c2\u00a0 Well, you’re probably not going to be shot right away, but I can pretty much guarantee that you will be stopped, through means of force and extreme prejudice, if required.\u00c2\u00a0 At the very least, if they don’t shoot you, they’ll arrest you.\u00c2\u00a0 Either way, not the best start.\u00c2\u00a0 And anyway, if you’re not shot by commandos in black SUVs, the ground itself will get you.\u00c2\u00a0 The land between Mercury and Rachel is some of the most contaminated and dangerous dirt in the world.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Allow me to enlighten you as to some of the scenery you’ll see along the way.\u00c2\u00a0 Zoom in and follow the route.<\/p>\n

\"NukulerBombz\"<\/a><\/p>\n

At about 20 miles or so, you’ll come across a valley full of craters.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s not some cosmic impact zone.\u00c2\u00a0 Instead, it’s the legacy of the Cold War.\u00c2\u00a0 See, this area is where the government tested nuclear bombs from the 50’s through the early 90’s.\u00c2\u00a0 There were some 1000 or so nuclear bombs set off in this area.\u00c2\u00a0 After the early tests (you know, the ones you always see in the blast test movies) spread radiation across Eastern Nevada and a good chunk of Southern Utah (As well as other downwind points, even as far as Iowa and beyond), they decided it would be best to conduct the tests underground.\u00c2\u00a0 These underground tests left subsidence craters all over this valley.\u00c2\u00a0 If you’re following the route, the large crater that the road curves around at the north end of the valley is the result of the Sedan test, which was conducted as\u00c2\u00a0part of an experiment around\u00c2\u00a0using nuclear explosives for excavation work, you know, like for digging canals and such.\u00c2\u00a0 As far as moving the earth, it was a spectacular success, forming the largest man-made crater ever, almost a quarter mile in diameter.\u00c2\u00a0 Unfortunately, the experiment had a slight downside\u00c2\u00a0in that\u00c2\u00a0a large portion of the earth it moved ended up as radioactive dust which was carried by the winds across the country and exposed somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 million people to radioactive contamination.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0Which would be why we don’t use nuclear bombs for road construction today…<\/p>\n

Drive around the Sedan Crater and over a mountain pass, and you’ll approach a cluster of buildings alongside a large dry lake bed.\u00c2\u00a0 The lake is Groom Lake.\u00c2\u00a0 THE<\/em> Groom Lake.\u00c2\u00a0 Those buildings are what’s known as Area 51.\u00c2\u00a0 This is the primary reason why you’ll be shot if you try to take this road.\u00c2\u00a0 Area 51 is, or, at least, was, one of the primary test sites for top secret military aircraft.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s a perfect place for all sorts of clandestine activities, since it’s in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by even more nowhere.\u00c2\u00a0 The nearest settlements outside the fence are backward holes in the wall, so if they see strange things flying by and start telling people, no one will believe them.\u00c2\u00a0 The U2 and F117 Stealth Fighter were both developed here.<\/p>\n

\"SpookyAliens\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And we can’t forget the spooky aliens.<\/p>\n

Anyway, keep driving through Dreamland, and make sure to take pictures of all the hangars<\/a>, antenna arrays, huge satellite dishes<\/a>, black helicopters<\/a>, and all manner of other things <\/a>that clearly do not exist <\/a>and are easily confused with the planet Venus<\/a>.\u00c2\u00a0 Continue north, through the minefields and remote sensors and cameras, say hi to the nice people in the black SUV as you pass it by, and eventually you’ll come to the lone mailbox along the Extraterrestrial Highway (No, seriously, that’s the official state designation of the road) and you’re just a short distance from your final destination of Rachel.<\/p>\n

I’m definitely going to take that drive the next time I’m in the area, because Google told me it’s the way to go!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There were two\u00c2\u00a0incidents this weekend where people blindly followed their GPS into the middle of nowhere and were shocked when they got stuck in the snow, miles from a cell phone signal.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s mind boggling that nothing would have tipped them off that it was a bad idea well before they got stuck.\u00c2\u00a0 I would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[91,92,94,31,97,98,93,96,36,95],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/862"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=862"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/862\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":873,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/862\/revisions\/873"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=862"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=862"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=862"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}