{"id":2130,"date":"2011-09-08T22:25:43","date_gmt":"2011-09-09T05:25:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/?p=2130"},"modified":"2011-09-08T22:25:43","modified_gmt":"2011-09-09T05:25:43","slug":"q-ace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/2011\/09\/08\/q-ace\/","title":{"rendered":"Q & Ace"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I figure you have some questions about the announcement the other day, so I’m just gonna ignore them all and answer these questions I came up with instead.<\/p>\n

1) So, wait, what?\u00c2\u00a0 You’re…\u00c2\u00a0 Huh?\u00c2\u00a0 What’s going on again?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’m asexual.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s a bit like being straight except I’m not into women.<\/p>\n

2) Oh, so you’re gay?<\/strong><\/p>\n

No.\u00c2\u00a0 Asexual.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not into men or women.<\/p>\n

3) So, you’re a woman trapped in a man’s body?<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, I’m not transgendered.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m quite comfortable with the factory original parts and don’t see any need to replace any components.\u00c2\u00a0 (Besides, do you have any idea how hard it is to find a dress in my size, particularly one that complements the color of my beard?)<\/p>\n

4) Are you missing pieces down below?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Uh, I don’t think so.\u00c2\u00a0 Let me check…<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Hang on a sec…<\/p>\n

Ah, found it.\u00c2\u00a0 Nope.\u00c2\u00a0 All present and accounted for.<\/p>\n

5) So, then, you’re saying down below doesn’t work or something?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Down below works just fine.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s just I have no desire to interface my down below with anyone else’s down below.<\/p>\n

6) You can clone yourself then?<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, different meaning of the word.\u00c2\u00a0 Although, I’d have to say that binary fission would be an awesome trick for parties.<\/p>\n

7) Does that mean you like furries or something?<\/strong><\/p>\n

No.\u00c2\u00a0 No no no.\u00c2\u00a0 What is wrong with you?\u00c2\u00a0 Just no.<\/p>\n

8) What are you talking about, then?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Asexuality means I don’t experience sexual attraction.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s it.\u00c2\u00a0 While other people are on an unending quest to find someone willing to test the repetitive compressive stress tolerance limits of their furniture, I’m on an unending quest to find a complete set of game cartridges for the Nintendo Virtual Boy.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m simply not interested in having sex, although the customs and practices can be rather intriguing from a scientific or anthropological point of view.<\/p>\n

9) You don’t want sex?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Right.<\/p>\n

10) What, is it against your religion?<\/strong><\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

11) Were you abused, then?<\/strong><\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

12) Repressed or repulsed or something?<\/strong><\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

13) They have a pill for that, you know.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That’s not what the pill is for.\u00c2\u00a0 The pill is for people who are ready and willing, but not able.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m perfectly able, just not ready and willing.\u00c2\u00a0 Saying there’s a pill that’ll fix asexuality is like saying there’s a pill that’ll fix homosexuality.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not going to take a pill, feel a stirring in my loins, and suddenly want to sleep with the next woman I see.<\/p>\n

14) What is wrong with you?\u00c2\u00a0 Sex is AWESOME!<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can keep your sex.\u00c2\u00a0 Red Alarm is awesome.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

More Awesome Than Sex.<\/p><\/div>\n

15) You should try it some time.\u00c2\u00a0 You might like it!<\/strong><\/p>\n

“You do not like them.\u00c2\u00a0 So you say.\u00c2\u00a0 Try them!\u00c2\u00a0 Try them!\u00c2\u00a0 And you may.\u00c2\u00a0 Try them and you may, I say!”<\/p>\n

I did try it.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn’t care much for it.\u00c2\u00a0 I mean, it was okay, I guess, but nothing spectacular.\u00c2\u00a0 Nothing close to what all of you claim.\u00c2\u00a0 Kinda boring, actually.<\/p>\n

16) Wait, you had sex?\u00c2\u00a0 Gotcha!\u00c2\u00a0 That means you’re not asexual!<\/strong><\/p>\n

I had sex twice.\u00c2\u00a0 Nine years ago.\u00c2\u00a0 Call it a youthful indiscretion or whatever.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn’t know I was ace at the time.\u00c2\u00a0 I thought I was straight and that sex was what I was supposed to do at some point, and she offered.\u00c2\u00a0 It seemed like a good idea at the time.<\/p>\n

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, just like being gay or straight.\u00c2\u00a0 Orientation is not the same as behavior.\u00c2\u00a0 A little bit of experimentation in college doesn’t make someone gay.\u00c2\u00a0 A lesbian who wants a child and opts for natural insemination isn’t suddenly straight.\u00c2\u00a0 I had sex for the experience and because I thought that doing it might make my libido turn on.\u00c2\u00a0 It didn’t.<\/p>\n

I don’t regret it at all.\u00c2\u00a0 In fact, I think it’s good that I did try it, otherwise I’d probably have doubts that I’m really asexual because there’d be that chance that I would like it if I just tried it.<\/p>\n

17) Maybe she just wasn’t any good.\u00c2\u00a0 If you find someone good, you’ll change your mind.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Maybe she wasn’t.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t know.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t have any other data points to compare.\u00c2\u00a0 But that’s irrelevant.\u00c2\u00a0 I wasn’t put off by a bad experience.\u00c2\u00a0 I never was really all that interested in it to begin with.\u00c2\u00a0 She could have been the most mindblowingly skilled woman on the planet and I still probably would have said “Meh”.<\/p>\n

18) It’s just a phase.\u00c2\u00a0 It’ll pass.<\/strong><\/p>\n

19 years since puberty is “just a phase”?\u00c2\u00a0 Well, I’ll give it another 20 minutes, but that’s it!<\/p>\n

19) You could be a late bloomer.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’m 31 and I’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone, not even a naked woman standing directly in front of me.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s not a late bloomer.\u00c2\u00a0 Nothing was planted in my garden.<\/p>\n

20) I’m so sorry for you.\u00c2\u00a0 It must really suck for you.<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, it’s absolutely fine, actually.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t want sex.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s not like I’m yearning to get laid but can’t, leading me to be a pent up bottle of frustration and sadness.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not missing out on anything because I’ve never felt anything to miss out on.\u00c2\u00a0 It would be a bit like me telling you that your life must suck because you don’t want a copy of a game like Space Squash.\u00c2\u00a0 You’d give me a funny look and shake your head in confusion over how I could possibly think that you’d be interested in that.<\/p>\n

21) But sex is awesome!\u00c2\u00a0 Everyone wants sex!<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can’t see me, but I’m giving you a funny look and shaking my head in confusion over how you could possibly think that I’d be interested in that.<\/p>\n

By the way, weren’t these supposed to be questions?<\/p>\n

22) Oh, right.\u00c2\u00a0 So, uh…\u00c2\u00a0 Aren’t you just putting a fancy name on celibacy?<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, not at all.\u00c2\u00a0 Celibacy is the condition of being abstinent, while asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction toward anyone.\u00c2\u00a0 Think of it this way:\u00c2\u00a0 Celibacy is “I don’t have sex because _________.”\u00c2\u00a0 As in “I don’t have sex because it’s against my religion” or “because I can’t find anyone” or “because I’m in prison”.\u00c2\u00a0 Asexuality is “Sex?\u00c2\u00a0 Whatever.\u00c2\u00a0 Please pass the cake.”\u00c2\u00a0 So yes, I am celibate, but I’m celibate because I’m ace, not because I made some life choice to never have sex or just haven’t been able to get laid and have given up trying.<\/p>\n

Not all celibate people are asexuals, and not all asexuals are celibate.<\/p>\n

23) What you’re saying is that you can’t get laid and have given up trying?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Um.\u00c2\u00a0 No.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve never even bothered trying because it’s just not that interesting to me.\u00c2\u00a0 When I did have sex, it was entirely my partner’s idea, and it took a lot of persistence on her part to get me to the point where I said yes.<\/p>\n

That’s a bit like claiming that I’m not interested in golf because I’m no good at it.\u00c2\u00a0 No, I’m not interested in golf because it’s golf<\/em> and it’s not interesting.<\/p>\n

(Unless it’s Golf for the Virtual Boy.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t have that game yet…)<\/p>\n

24) Why do you hate sex?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don’t hate sex.\u00c2\u00a0 I just don’t care about it.\u00c2\u00a0 As far as aces go, I’m fairly sex positive.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not repulsed by it and I don’t have any problem with it.\u00c2\u00a0 In fact, I find it secretly amusing when someone thinks that I’m offended by a sexual conversation and tries to steer things in a different direction.\u00c2\u00a0 If I seem offended, it’s probably because I’m zoning out and not paying any attention because I have nothing to add to the conversation.<\/p>\n

In the right situation, I might even be willing to give it another go.\u00c2\u00a0 I just don’t feel any need to find myself in the right situation.<\/p>\n

Anyway, go forth and fornicate, just keep your damn kids off my lawn.<\/p>\n

25) So you can’t fall in love?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I can and I have.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s definitely more than a friendship, it’s just not tied to sex.<\/p>\n

26) Wait, how can you fall in love and still call yourself asexual?\u00c2\u00a0 If you fall in love, you’re straight, gay, or bi.\u00c2\u00a0 Pick one.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sex does not equal love.\u00c2\u00a0 Sexual attraction does not equal love.\u00c2\u00a0 Many people are sexually attracted to people they do not love.\u00c2\u00a0 Many people love people they are not sexually attracted to.\u00c2\u00a0 And clearly, many people love people they do not have sex with.\u00c2\u00a0 Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, not the lack of capacity for love.<\/p>\n

27) You’re just inexperienced.\u00c2\u00a0 If you get out there and keep trying, you’ll come around.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Did you have to “get out there and keep trying” to decide you were interested in sex in the first place?\u00c2\u00a0 And who knows, maybe you’ll really get into gay sex if you just “get out there and keep trying”.\u00c2\u00a0 After all, how can you say you’re not gay if you haven’t tried it out?<\/p>\n

And that wasn’t a question.<\/p>\n

28) But you’re like totally socially inept.\u00c2\u00a0 Sometimes you don’t even want to go outside if there are people on the street.\u00c2\u00a0 Ever think that maybe you’re not asexual, but that you really just have some sort of social anxiety disorder?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I can’t imagine that my social anxiety issues would cause me not to feel attracted to anyone.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s not a matter of just being too nervous to ask someone out on a date.\u00c2\u00a0 If that’s all it were, I would still likely feel attracted, but be unable to approach them.\u00c2\u00a0 On the contrary, I think asexuality and the social issues have a symbiotic relationship going on.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not attracted to anyone, so I never feel compelled to break out and try to talk to someone that I’m attracted to.<\/p>\n

Then again, maybe both are caused by my deep-seated fear of having to share a closet with someone.<\/p>\n

29) So, uh…\u00c2\u00a0 Do you feel anything, uh, down there?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course I do.\u00c2\u00a0 There’s nothing physically wrong with my body.<\/p>\n

30) Wait a minute, how do you know that?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Like I said, I’ve had sex.
\nB: Equipment is tested regularly and has been found to be functioning within normal operating parameters.<\/p>\n

31) So, that means you, uh…?\u00c2\u00a0 How can you be asexual if you…?<\/strong><\/p>\n

That has absolutely nothing to do with asexuality.\u00c2\u00a0 Like I’ve said, asexuality is an orientation.\u00c2\u00a0 It relates to who I find sexually attractive, namely, no one.\u00c2\u00a0 You don’t need to find anyone sexually attractive for that, it’s a physical response.<\/p>\n

Of course, that’s absolutely none of your business, but anyway…<\/p>\n

32) Have you ever thought that maybe you haven’t met the right person yet?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Right, maybe I haven’t.\u00c2\u00a0 But given that I’ve never found anyone attractive in all the years I’ve been looking and that everyone else seems to find multiple people attractive\u00c2\u00a0 EVERY DAY, I think it’s fairly safe to say that she’s not hiding behind a tree, just waiting for me to walk by.<\/p>\n

33) Why did you choose to be asexual?<\/strong><\/p>\n

It wasn’t a choice.\u00c2\u00a0 As the song goes, “baby, I was born this way.”\u00c2\u00a0 (Of course, the song doesn’t mention asexuality, but whatever.\u00c2\u00a0 We’re there in spirit.)<\/p>\n

34) How did you realize you were asexual?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A few months ago, I realized that I didn’t think about sex the same way as anyone else I’d ever met.\u00c2\u00a0 I started to explore those feelings and came to discover that I wasn’t really interested in sex at all.\u00c2\u00a0 And I’ve always been that way.\u00c2\u00a0 During puberty, as a teenager, when I had a girlfriend, and now as an adult.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn’t really understand it.\u00c2\u00a0 There weren’t any signs that my hormones were awry and I wasn’t depressed.\u00c2\u00a0 Perhaps most significantly, I hadn’t had sex in eight and a half years and it didn’t bother me at all.\u00c2\u00a0 Everyone else seems like they’d go insane if they hadn’t had sex in eight and a half days.<\/p>\n

So, I was a mystery to myself, a puzzle to be solved.<\/p>\n

I like solving puzzles.<\/p>\n

And so I went looking for answers.\u00c2\u00a0 Asexuality was the one that fit the best, so I took it.<\/p>\n

But hey, I’m a scientist.\u00c2\u00a0 I go with the theory that fits the evidence.\u00c2\u00a0 Right now, the evidence points toward my being ace.\u00c2\u00a0 But in the future, I recognize that there may be some new evidence that’ll come along and disprove the theory.\u00c2\u00a0 Should that happen, I’m willing to go where that leads.<\/p>\n

35) Ace?\u00c2\u00a0 What’s that?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ace…xual.\u00c2\u00a0 It beats “amoeba”.<\/p>\n

36) Why are you telling me all this, anyway?<\/strong><\/p>\n

To spread awareness and hope it’ll contribute to a better understanding of asexuality.\u00c2\u00a0 I see other aces facing ignorance and struggling with those who are unable or unwilling to understand.\u00c2\u00a0 On top of that, asexuality is almost completely invisible.\u00c2\u00a0 I mean, I’ve felt this way for at least 19 years, since puberty, possibly even earlier, and I didn’t even know this was an option until April.<\/p>\n

I’ve been a supporter of gay rights for years.\u00c2\u00a0 It would be hypocritical for me to be open in my support there, yet be completely silent about who I am, now that I know who I am.<\/p>\n

I know that one of the greatest factors in someone being willing to accept homosexuality is to know someone who is gay.\u00c2\u00a0 I know that if I’m open about who I am and how I feel, that all of you will gain a greater understanding of asexuality and be more willing to accept us.\u00c2\u00a0 You won’t see asexuality as some scary alien concept.\u00c2\u00a0 You’ll see me.\u00c2\u00a0 (Granted, I can be a scary alien concept at times, though…)<\/p>\n

37) So why have you been hiding all this time, then?\u00c2\u00a0 What took you so long to come out of the closet?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I haven’t been hiding.\u00c2\u00a0 I really just found out myself back in April.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve been confirming the hypothesis since then and trying to figure out how to say anything about it.\u00c2\u00a0 And it’s not like I’ve been trying to pass or anything.\u00c2\u00a0 Even before I made the discovery, I never went around claiming to be sexually attracted to anyone.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m sure all of you who know me had already figured out that there was something off here.\u00c2\u00a0 I mean, you’ve all seen that picture I have on my desk in the office, right?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

(I’m not really sure aces come out of the closet, though.\u00c2\u00a0 I think we come out of the pantry, because of the cake.)<\/p>\n

38) Cake?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes.\u00c2\u00a0 We have cake.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s how we recruit people.<\/p>\n

39) Recruit people?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course.\u00c2\u00a0 Just like any other sexual minority, we recruit people to help carry out our sinister agenda.<\/p>\n

40) Sinister agenda?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes.\u00c2\u00a0 Say, would you like some cake?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I figure you have some questions about the announcement the other day, so I’m just gonna ignore them all and answer these questions I came up with instead. 1) So, wait, what?\u00c2\u00a0 You’re…\u00c2\u00a0 Huh?\u00c2\u00a0 What’s going on again? I’m asexual.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s a bit like being straight except I’m not into women. 2) Oh, so you’re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2130"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2130"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2130\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2136,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2130\/revisions\/2136"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2130"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2130"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mathpirate.net\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2130"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}